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When next the pseudo-benevolent dictator offers an unwelcome gift or proposes some undesirable recreation, his spouse must refuse politely and follow up by saying, for example, “But since you are in a giving mood, I would appreciate it if we could go to a show,” or “Thanks so much for the sweater, darling. I notice, however, that it’s your favorite color-olive green-and I’ve been telling you that I plan to buy a pink one. I hope you won’t be disappointed when I exchange it tomorrow.”
The recipient of phony benevolence is as guilty as the giver if he accepts what is offered. The recipient must object, thanking the giver but firmly stating that he prefers to determine the nature of the gift or favor. If the pseudo-benevolent spouse is really trying to please or cooperate, he will accept the change, for if he doesn’t he demonstrates that he was indeed being a dictator. If he does not accept the suggestions, the spouse may have to be insistent.
