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The following method is helpful in reducing the impact of this destructive technique in a marriage.
The “healthy” spouse insists that the “sick” spouse visit a competent physician, and accompanies him on the visit. If he is already under a physician’s care, arrangements must be made for a consultation with a specialist not known socially by either husband or wife. This is necessary because the family physician too can be fooled, as a result of his wish to be helpful and of his own doubts. He may unwittingly be helping the “victim” to preserve the “illness.”
If a clean bill of health is forthcoming, the complaining spouse must be forced to live in a way befitting a healthy person. If some chronic physical condition is present, clear rules on diet, the amount of exercise permitted, and so forth, should be obtained from the physician, so that the “sick” spouse cannot exaggerate the degree of his illness. It is not unkind to push a spouse into good health. It is far less kind to nourish and encourage illness by falling for such a destructive technique.
One of our colleagues was upset by his wife’s constant use of vague aches and pains to avoid any activity which did not interest her, and decided to do something about it. First he took time off from work to have his wife thoroughly checked at the Mayo Clinic. The physicians reported her as “healthy in all respects.” When they returned home, he made careful arrangements for his wife’s financial care, and moved out of the house, telling his wife that he would not return because her imaginary illnesses were too much for him.
After several weeks the spouse recognized that he meant what he said. She began to play golf and engage in other activities possible for a healthy female. Nearly a year, and one girl friend, later the husband invited her to go on a trip to Europe with him. When they returned after six weeks, they moved to a different house together. Now, some ten years later, they have apparently passed the critical years and the marriage has prospered. While it is unusual for a spouse to be so direct, action of the sort taken by this husband is the basis for many cures.
