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The second session consists essentially of one spouse’s learning to take directions from the other. One of the most common and grievous problems in the ordinary marriage is that spouses cannot accept instruction from each other. In the course of any relationship, in the course of getting family work done, it is necessary for the spouses to divide areas of work responsibility and for each to be willing to cooperate by taking instruction from the other in the other’s particular area. In actuality, however, this is rarely done. Usually, there is avoidance-”I’m doing it because I want to”-or a slight changing of the instructions so as to make them seem to have been issued by the spouse who is doing the work. The following exercise, then, is one in which one of the spouses learns to take instruction from the other.
On a morning shortly after the end of the rest period (approximately one week) the spouses again flip a coin. Then, in the course of the day, the winner plans in detail a weekend for the two of them; the children (if any) are not to accompany their parents. The other spouse is told about the plans that evening. He can make no suggestions, and during the weekend is expected to accept all of the arrangements made by his partner. The weekend is to consist of only two days and one night, for it is likely to be a difficult period for the couple. Couples frequently fail in their first try at the one-spouse-dominated weekend; the strain can be particularly great if the coin toss has resulted in a complete role reversal-as when the spouse who usually dominates becomes the follower, and the submissive spouse becomes the leader. Several attempts may be necessary before success is achieved. But when it is, the resulting relief and self-understanding will be recognized by both spouses.
One highly competitive couple achieved weekend success through humor. The husband, who had lost the toss of the coin, responded to his wife’s detailed orders throughout the weekend with a cheery “Yes, boss I” Laughter followed, and suddenly both found the pattern easy to carry out.
The next exercise will be enlivened by recollection of the weekend experience and should not take place before the following Wednesday or Thursday.
